“Don’t be eye candy, be soul food”

Friday was a perfect start to the weekend in my book. A sunset ‘n’ prosecco picnic with my pals followed by Conor’s (a bezzy mate of mine’s) gig in Shoreditch. I’d been looking forward to it all week – the pop of prosecco, the first bubbly sip, the sun, hoummus and pitta(!!!), the sweet, carefree feeling of it being a Friday evening… *sigh*

Friday morning I got up early to wash and curl my hair, put my fake lashes on and make myself feel nice before work. I make a special effort if I’m doing something I’m excited about. Friday though, was 30 degrees. The tubes… 5 million degrees. By the time I got to work I was a sweaty mess. My curls had uncurled and my eyelash strip had detached from the corner and was digging me in the eye. Not the way I wanted to start my day knowing I’d be out all evening.

I spent all day feeling gross, applying more make-up at any opportunity. I had a conversation with some of the girls at work earlier in the week about my relationship with makeup and how I find it so hard to relax the reigns. I just want to look my best, always. But why? Why does such a big part of how I feel depend on how I think I look? I’m desperately trying to find out.

Like I would love so much to get up for work and not put any make-up on. I would love to be able to throw my hair in a bun up off of my face in a carefree, idontgiveashit way. But I just can’t.

So anyway, after work and another 20 minute sweaty (like sweat dripping off your chin level of sweaty) tube journey, a 15 minute walk, essential Sainsbury’s prosecco pick-up and quick makeup re-touch in a bar I passed, I arrived at our picnic destination hot and bothered. The thing is, as soon as I sat down and my friend’s arrived, I forgot all of the worries I’d carried all day. I didn’t care about what I looked like, in fact it didn’t even cross my mind.

It’s wonderful that my friends do that for me. They take me away from my mind and lift the fog of worries I seem to harbour from day to day. However, it saddens me that I cannot do this for myself. So Saturday morning whilst reflecting on the day before, I came to a realisation – and gave myself a good talking to.

Sometimes we just need to take a step back and remind ourselves of what is important. We forget to take a look at the bigger picture. I know deep down that it is our (merrr I’m gonna be so cliché) inner beauty that truly matters. It is the energy that we inflict on others, the smiles we cause and the kindness we inspire that really make us valuable.

You will not be remembered for your fabulous hair or perfect cat eye. Well, perhaps for a second. But honestly it’s the deeper, meaningful things like the way you laugh, your compassion, your bear hugs and your sparkle that really make you you. We all know this!! So why when I know this do I put so much energy/worry/time in to making my outer me ‘the best it can be’. Shouldn’t I be putting my energy and time in to making my inner me the best it can be..?

The answer is of course, absolutely YES! 

From this day forward, I vow to make a tremendous effort to remember to do just that. To “be soul food, not eye candy”. To know that my inner me is enough and to treat my outer self as just something fun to decorate – no pressure, no importance.

I’m adding this new intention to my August goals and I’ll leave you with a lovely thought (I don’t know who wrote this quote but it’s pretty damn wonderful):

“We get so worried about being “pretty”. Let’s be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong.

Love, Siân x


  1. viv grimes
    9th August 2018 / 9:46 am

    You are becoming very self-aware for someone so young – it is brilliant that you have reached this point in your development before your mid-twenties! Nearly everyone drives themselves mad worrying about their appearance in their teens and early twenties and most eventually realise they are liked/loved for the person they are, not how they look. Well done you for getting there so quickly – in any case you are naturally beautiful and don’t need the warpaint, so just wear it for fun and when you want to feel special. I’m so glad you are learning that you fabulous just being you. XXX

    • lovesian
      9th August 2018 / 9:52 am

      Viv, thank you so much. It’s not easy but at least I’m aware and trying to implement this mindset long term!! Thank you for the lovely words and for taking the time to read this xxx

  2. Suzanne
    9th August 2018 / 10:19 am

    I still battle with it now and worry that it may have been me that caused it but I saw what Nan wrote on Facebook and I’m blaming her!! lol. Joking aside, you truly are beautiful inside and out and we all love you for it.
    PS. Hope you didnt get soaked this morning!! xx

    • lovesian
      9th August 2018 / 12:02 pm

      Ha ha. Thanks mumma, love you (and no I didn’t, had my trusty umbrella!) xxx

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